The Frayed Ends Of Sanity

Things haven't been going well lately. I'm beginning to think I have a sleep disorder. Pick one: Narcolepsy, or Sleep Apnea. I am consistently tired. I can't focus for any considerable length of time, I can't stay motivated, I have absolutely no energy, and I spend my days in a hazy fog that borders on delirium.

I have been wanting to write a few more entries to this blog, but when I sit down to write, I find that I have about as much energy to write little more than a paragraph, and I am the kind of person who likes to develop develop his arguments. After reading what I had written, I erase it and do something else.

I have a very sedentary job. I spend the entire day in front of the computer, but it's doing work that is not terribly exciting (data entry and report writing). Since my employment, I have been less active. When I first took the job in 2001, I was playing gigs on weekends, which required a lot of heavy lifting (those amps and speakers aren't light), so I was getting some exercise during the week. Last summer, I decided to take up jogging, but that idea was eighty-sixed when my knees seized up on the first jog, and I couldn't walk for ten days afterwards. So much for getting in shape.

I do not have low blood pressure. In fact I usually check it about once a month. I am always 120 / 80. Perfect score every time. I however think, that sitting for extended periods is weakening my heart, and I am getting poor circulation.

For the remainder of this week, I am going to take a break at 10:00 and 3:00, go outside for a jog around the block, get some fresh air, and see if my condition improves. In addition, I think I might have to revolt and bring music into work. My boss hates music being played in the office. He considers it a distraction, so for the last three years I have had to listen to the incessant buzz of fluorescent lights. That's enough to drive anyone insane.

I have said to myself a number of times how much I despise my job. Perhaps it's not the job I despise, but the environment. The job is in my educational field, and I used to like it, but something has to change.

But there is something else wrong. Fatigue has always been a problem with me, especially in the mornings even my Kindergarten teacher wrote in my report card "MC Fro does not deal well with mornings". Some things don't change even after some twenty-five years. I have fallen asleep standing up. I have also fallen asleep while driving -- more than once. It has been a miracle that both me and my car survived.

I cannot drink coffee - it makes me ill. I end up drinking about two or three cups per year, and then I am reminded why I do not drink it in the first place. I drink copious amounts of cola in a day -- probably nearing a liter per day. By body has grown accustomed to the daily dose of caffeine, and instead of it giving me a swift kick in the rear, it does little to help my alertness. In fact, if I do not get my daily dose of cola, it's headache city.

Please don't ask me about other stimulants or amphetamines. I don't even go near the stuff. I like to sleep on a regular basis. I'm just sleeping at the wrong times.

In other news... Yesterday, I played my most successful game of NetHack. I was playing a wizard character who couldn't seem to do anything wrong (at least at the beginning). Unfortunately, my kitty starved to death before I entered the Gnomish Mines. Using Force Bolt liberally, I managed to get my character "Zappy" to Gnometown. But then I was stupid, and I annoyed the priest. The next thing I knew I was surrounded by wolves and patrolmen. I had very little mana left, and I died rather quickly. Note to self: Don't annoy the Priest!