Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Listless

I can barely think straight anymore. The days and weeks are becoming a solid blur. I was hoping that this summer would allow me to do a little relaxing, but it seems that every day, every night, and almost every waking hour, something needs to be done. Even worse, is that I should be preparing for future events, and I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything. I've reached burn-out. I haven't taken a vacation in four years -- I haven't been able to afford to.

I am sitting here, blogging away, because I feel more compelled to complain about my stresses than deal with them. I should be cleaning the house. I should be practicing. I should be preparing for my big trip this weekend.

I have a wedding to attend this weekend, and a friend and I have been asked to play the bridal march -- and I stress, it's not the "Here Comes The Bride" diatribe that is featured on every Hollywood movie. It's a very special request. I should be practicing, but I'm not.

In addition, I have a band practice on Thursday, and I have a dozen songs to transcribe before then.

There are also a few other things that are occupying my mind, but at this time I cannot mention them, as the news is not "official" yet, but rest assured, this is going to be a very busy fall for me -- much busier than I was last fall when I was involved with Grease.

Factor in my day job, packing, cleaning, paying bills, and soon there is no time to sleep. And yes, I do realize there are poor souls who are far busier than me.

On top of all this, I have the Garbage concert to attend this weekend. I am going to be putting on a lot of miles this weekend.
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2 comments:

Becky said...

Aww. If I knew you better, I'd offer a hug.

I know what you mean about feeling burnt out. I remember working 60 hour weeks (no days off, retail, near minimum wage, standing) when I was pregnant the first time. Every so often, I'd feel like I couldn't take it anymore and ask for a day off. Luckily I could do that.

I had an important reason for going through it and it was only for 9 months or so. I can't imagine doing it for 4 years.

I'm coming at this as pretty much a total stranger (who certainly has made a lot of mistakes and has many more to make), but I can't help wondering what it is you're working for. I mean, is it normal to have to work 3 jobs in your area or do you have a particularly high standard of living or goals for yourself?

21:18
MC said...

Thanks for the offer of the hug. ;-)

I imagine I am somewhat responsible for my busyness. I am rather hard on myself, but for what I do, I am paid quite a low salary. My expenses are quite high as well, which has put me in this state where I have little choice but to work day and night.

I can hardly imagine what the situation will be like when I become a parent. Last week, I was talking with a business associate who had children and was explaining (I would not say he was complaining) about how expensive children are. I am barely breaking even as it stands.

Is it normal for a person like me in my country to work three jobs in order to make ends meet? Some will tell you yes, and others will tell you no. Some are very lucky to get a unionized job where they get some sort of equity for their work. Private businesses, on the other hand, will default to the lowest bidder. What I mean by this, is if you are unfortunate enough to work for a small business, you will make a fraction of what you would, if you worked for a larger, established company.

I bust my rear because some day, I would hope that I will never have to work again. By the time I reach 65, there will be no funds left in the Pension Reserve -- it will have been consumed by the Baby Boomer generation. I need to save whatever I can for the future -- my golden years. It doesn't need to be extravagant, but it will need to be substantial enough that I will not have to live in my childrens' house, eat their food, or sell any property I may have spent the majority of my life paying for.

The bottom line is I can't rely on anyone to take care of myself, except me.

I'm rambling now, and the whiskey is preventing me from writing coherently. I will be writing much more on this topic in the future, I promise.

23:52

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